i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
