So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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