I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Still dying that you shit outside
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
