Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
