Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
