You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
