Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
