JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
