hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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