I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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