I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
