This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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