your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
