the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
