I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
