Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
