Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
