We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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