He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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