I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
