you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
