after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
