So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
