I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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