I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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