My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
