herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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