dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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