We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize