We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
