i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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