White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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