Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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