so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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