My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She even gives head with a lisp.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
