i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
