I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
