ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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