i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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