i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
