I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
