you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
