yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
