She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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