she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
