she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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