i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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