You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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