??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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