He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
