I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This house was built for laser tag.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
