hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
