After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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