After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
