And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
