Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize