Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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