But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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