Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
