Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize