We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
