Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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