i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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