Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
