My nipple is on Facebook.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
