tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
