There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
