Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
