I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I could fuck to npr.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
