ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His hands were made for my vagina.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
