At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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