Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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