If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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