You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
