I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
