I murdered the dance floor call the cops
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
