Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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