did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
