Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
