Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
