I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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