He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
