we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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