so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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