Christians are straight up FREAKS
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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