a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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