meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
