there's paper in my vomit.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
