i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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