You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
