what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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