even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
