his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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