Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
