when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
