well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
